Extracts from Sports Day
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By Lynda Radley
Three mothers - June, Sheila and Samia - are setting up their stalls for the bake sale.
Sheila What have you got there, June?
June Millionaire's shortbread.
Samia One of my favourites.
Sheila Very nice.
Bit too sickly sweet for my taste I have to say.
But, each to their own.
Samia I'm sure the kids will love it anyway.
They're the ones that spend money at these things.
June Exactly what I thought.
Samia They just want something nice and familiar, after all their running around.
Sheila Good to give people something different too though, don’t you think?
Otherwise we all get stuck in a rut.
And things just get so boring.
Sheila continues decorating. Just when you think she can't possibly add anything else to her table, she does.
Sheila A fridge cake.
June Sorry Sheila? Are you talking to me?
Sheila Millionaire's shortbread. That's a fridge cake? Am I right?
June Sets in the fridge, aye.
Sheila Not strictly speaking baking then.
June How no?
Sheila No actual oven or flour or baking powder involved.
Unless of course you made the shortbread base yourself?
Samia (interrupting) I'm sure it will sell. And that's the point.
To raise money for the school.
That's what all of us who actually bother to show up to PTA meetings are all about.
It's no mean feat trying to get people to pitch in I can tell you.
Samia hasn't actually opened up her baking - wrapped in a tinfoil parcel - yet. We get the feeling she'd like to hide it, or put it back in her bag.
June They did have Millionaire’s Shortbread on the Bake Off this year.
Samia They did. You're right. And if it's good enough for the Bake Off...
Sheila I do remember raising an eyebrow at that whole section I have to say.
You could see Paul Hollywood's heart wasn't in it.
Mary, maybe. But then she’s just a talented amateur.
But with Paul it's all in the eyes…
...Find out what happens to Shelia and June's cakes by buying your tickets for Sports Day!
By Ian Pattison(A Mum and Dad in their living room)
CIARA: Trainers. For the school sports day. She’s doing the sack race.
FRANK: Why me?
CIARA: You’re her father. You’re supposed to be a role model!
FRANK: Let me grasp this concept. She’s gonny climb into a plastic bin bag, pull it up roon her neck, then hop from a pile of used junkie needles at one end of the park to the burnt oot Ford Sierra at the other end but she needs a brand new fifty pound paira trainers to do it!
CIARA: Nike Air Max 90. All her pals have got them.
FRANK: When I was her age I got Winfield sannies oot of Woollies!
CIARA: Frank, the world’s a runaway train now. We’re on it - and we canny afford the fare!
...See the rest of Frank and Ciara's struggle with trends by buying your tickets for Sports Day!