Extracts from Sports Day

Sports Day is a collection of stories jointly penned by some of Scotland's finest writers. Here are two extracts from the play.

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By Lynda Radley

Three mothers - June, Sheila and Samia - are setting up their stalls for the bake sale.

Sheila                         What have you got there, June?

June                           Millionaire's shortbread.

Samia                         One of my favourites.

Sheila                         Very nice.
                                    Bit too sickly sweet for my taste I have to say.
                                    But, each to their own.

Samia                         I'm sure the kids will love it anyway. 
                                   They're the ones that spend money at these things. 

June                           Exactly what I thought.

Samia                        They just want something nice and familiar, after all their running  around.

Sheila                        Good to give people something different too though, don’t you think?
                                    Otherwise we all get stuck in a rut.
                                    And things just get so boring.
Sheila continues decorating. Just when you think she can't possibly add anything else to her table, she does.

Sheila                        A fridge cake.

June                          Sorry Sheila? Are you talking to me?
Sheila                        Millionaire's shortbread. That's a fridge cake? Am I right?

June                           Sets in the fridge, aye.

Sheila                        Not strictly speaking baking then.
June                           How no?

Sheila                         No actual oven or flour or baking powder involved.
                                    Unless of course you made the shortbread base yourself?
                                    Did you?

June                           No.
Samia (interrupting) I'm sure it will sell. And that's the point.
                                 To raise money for the school.

Sheila                      Absolutely.
That's what all of us who actually bother to show up to PTA meetings are all about.
                                It's no mean feat trying to get people to pitch in I can tell you.

Samia hasn't actually opened up her baking - wrapped in a tinfoil parcel - yet. We get the feeling she'd like to hide it, or put it back in her bag.

June                           They did have Millionaire’s Shortbread on the Bake Off this year.

Samia                        They did. You're right. And if it's good enough for the Bake Off...

Sheila                        I do remember raising an eyebrow at that whole section I have to say.
                                    You could see Paul Hollywood's heart wasn't in it.
                                    Mary, maybe. But then she’s just a talented amateur.
                                    But with Paul it's all in the eyes…

...Find out what happens to Shelia and June's cakes by buying your tickets for Sports Day!

By Ian Pattison

(A Mum and Dad in their living room)

FRANK: Trainers?

CIARA: Trainers. For the school sports day. She’s doing the sack race.

FRANK: Why me?

CIARA: You’re her father. You’re supposed to be a role model!

FRANK: Let me grasp this concept. She’s gonny climb into a plastic bin bag, pull it up roon her neck, then hop from a pile of used junkie needles at one end of the park to the burnt oot Ford Sierra at the other end but she needs a brand new fifty pound paira trainers to do it!

CIARA: Sixty.

FRANK: What!

CIARA: Nike Air Max 90. All her pals have got them.

FRANK: When I was her age I got Winfield sannies oot of Woollies!

CIARA: Frank, the world’s a runaway train now. We’re on it - and we canny afford the fare!

...See the rest of Frank and Ciara's struggle with trends by buying your tickets for Sports Day!

Find out more information on our website, or book tickets online.